Friday, September 07, 2007

Fricasseed Troll -- or how to get rid of wild pigs

Have you ever been complacently posting on a board, and suddenly, without warning a troll shows up? You know one of those nasty little critters whose sole intent is to disrupt the discussion and turn all attention to itself? Well now you can do something with them.

Stun the creature with a well placed retort, then coax into the open with the promise of lots of platitudes. While the troll is mesmerized with its reflection, slowly squeeze the life out by totally ignoring it. Trolls can be stubborn and keep resurfacing, so diligence is required. On occasion a troll will try to escape by whining with a high pitched poooor meeee, poooor meeee, call.

After the troll is sedated, remove all double entendres with a freshly sharpened wit. Be careful of the narcissist gland, it is located right behind the full-of-it tendons, and must be gently cut out, other wise the bile is released and the entire troll is useless.

If the troll had a backbone, it would be best to discard it, but it doesn’t, so that’s a chore you won’t have to face. Remove all skin, both thick and thin. The female troll usually doesn’t have a lot of substance to it, but what is there, is tough and stringy and must be marinated. The salt brine mentioned in a previous post works well, but in a crunch, piss and vinegar will do.

After several days in the marinade, chop the troll to pieces and dredge in well edited prose. Season to refined literary taste and garnish with verbiage.

Then feed the whole d@mn thing to the wild pigs. They will never return.



No comments: